Lovely

Walkin in a Winter Wonderland...in MAY!?!?!

Last week we were all at the park. Bathing suits, BBQ, even sunburns. Now the only burn I'll get is windburn from the snow being so cold. Lucky people who went back home....
Now that the fact that we are out of school has worn off and the relaxation week is over, I am starting to stress yet again. At least with at school even though we were so effin busy and tired, our lives were planned out for us. Classes, performances, everything. My summer is the complete opposite. I know all of the stuff that I have to do, but HOW is the big question. I need to find a living space (okay found, but we need it to be open in Aug...) I need to find a better job to pay for living next year, I need to keep up with all of my schooling (singing, dancing) but that requires time and money. I need to figure out where the hell I am going to be traveling (east coast, LA??) and how. And yet, I still want to have a life because next year we won't again. So does that mean that I just am never allowed to have a life? I sincerely hope not.
Helping friends pack and move lately has been a lot of fun but it's making my ache for the day when I can finally move out. I almost want to start packing now. Yet talking with other moving people unfortunately reminded me of some things that I had purposely tried to forget. I hope that I am either gone, or too busy in August to notice. Because that is truly going to be a test of me and myself. Hopefully this summer changes things. Even if it does, there is no way in hell that I am not going to notice even if it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it might. Though I am still rooting for not at all.

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In other news:
I have quit even trying to be friends with certain people now. I don't deserve to be treated like that, and frankly, they don't deserve to have me treat them with the friendship that I think that I have been giving them. Tonight was the fifth time thats happened, and that's only the times that I can remember. I am absolutely furious and not embarrassed to admit it anymore. Because this is the final straw. I have no hard feelings towards anyone else for being friends with them. But I just can't do it. Nothing to lower your self esteem then having someone bitch to you about how much their life sucks and no one ever thinks about them when I drive around the city for a hour and a half because I wanted to hang out with someone I once considered a very good friend. That's right, no one ever thinks of you. But then that's all I am. No one. Or if I am someone, it's someone expendable enough to forget, ignore, toss around and then throw away. Fine then. I am gone.

posted by Leah Wilburn @ 1:07 PM