Wanted: New Best Friend
So I drive you home for the holidays, get to see you that day only, and then you ignore me to be with your family (understandable) but then leave for Kickinghorse and don't even CALL let alone come to visit me before you go!?!?!?! I am about ready to murder you. Thats right, I'm going to kill you dead.
on a different note:
Well, the Christmas Season is winding down. I had possibly the best Christmas yet. Maybe it was rushed, and snuck up on me. Maybe I didn't get to do as many things as I wanted, or even recieve everything that I wanted. But its not about that. I saw lots of family and for the first time was really excited to hang out with them. I feel old. Old people have conversations at Christmas parties. I miss the days when I used to hide out in front of the TV. Anyway, good times were had by all. The best part though was seeing all of my old friends. I really finally got to hang out with everyone. Gill, Chris, Jay Jay, Colin, Jeff, all of the people that were at Bram's place. I love where I am with my life right now, but remembering the amazing high school experiance is just almost painful I miss it so much. Well, not the school work, or even the school itself, but everything else was awesome.
Times really can get you down. i've been dropped in some massive emotional crators lately. And I'm not sure if I'm even fully out yet. But I'm positive. If anything, I'm mostly out so thats a great start. I can't get over all the fantastic people that I have met this year. Erin, you are so incredible. I love chatting it up with you, whether the conversations are happy or not, I still love spending time with you and considering the lesbian activities. Daneel, what can I say about you. So much actually, but everyone would get bored by a really really long blog (because I never write fricken novels on this thing...) Anyway, you are a beautiful, intelligent and crazy individual. you are my baby and I love every moment that we spend together. I wish that there was more. But there will be, cross my heart. I can't wait for you to get back, I miss you tons. (I miss you too Erin, lots)
Anyway, wrapping up. I love people. (Save for you Jeff, I can't believe that you left me and didn't even say goodbye!!!! - insert crying face- ) And Life, for the most part. I'm happy. Ya'll should be too.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and Happy Holidays!
So I was planning to have this a Christmas Eve blog, but I guess that it has turned into a very very early Christmas morning blog.
But never-the-less; man its great to be alive right now.
Maybe its the Christmas season, maybe its the happy faces, and maybe the overall love and joy that is in the air. But this holiday has helped me to realize that things aren't exactly as bad as I had thought. Bad feelings pass, and many many great ones are appearing. I love my life right now, and everyone in it. You all are so special to me, and all have affected me in someway. I am who I am because of the people in my life. So thank you all. I can't wait to get up tomorrow (hopefully not too early, but then again, I do have a younger brother and sister lol) and see all the smiles and happy faces. Its a family day tomorrow, and I couldn't ask for anything better.
I wish everyone the best of Christmas's (haha) and Happy Holidays to everyone as well. Don't be strangers, I'd hate to lose touch with you all just because we're all on break. Love to all, may all your days be filled with joy!
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some Mistletoe
help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
and every mother's child is going to spy
to see if Reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
from kids from one to ninety-two
although it's been said many times, many ways
"Merry Christmas to You".
Fa La La La La.. La La La LAAAA!!!!
Once you start fa la laing, its hard to stop.
I still can't believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve! Its crazy! Thank you to all who have been so amazing over the Christmas Holidays (and days prior). You have made this break very special for me. I'm sure that you all know who you are. I love everyone that is around me, you are all so amazing.
Gill and Daly, you make me laugh so hard, I think my six pack has definitely developed. Thank you for the Boily Itching Christmas, it wouldn't be the same without you. I miss you two sooo incredibly much. Wish you were always around, and don't forget to come live with me when I'm scared and alone ; )
Jeff, you are still my saving grace. I love you. And always will. With all of me. Thank you for the visit and the gifts today, it made my day (the visit mostly, I'm not that material. lol) I'm not thinking, I'm smiling, don't forget it. And no matter what, nothing that happens is wrong, or difficult. It is how its meant to be. No, I don't have all the answers, I still have lots of questions myself. But we are there for each other, and that's what counts. Never leave me, I don't know what I'd do. I'm here for you always.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to All...
... And to all a Good Night !
(okay so it's only about 10:30 and I'm really not going to bed, but I'm still saying good night!)
the power of separation...
Sundays are a day of rest and relaxtion. Or in my world:
go to mall for christmas shopping, find that you're unsure of what the hell you're even looking for, be stalked by creepy guys, fly over to the U, pick up bestest best friend (who I can't bloody get ahold of right now to save my life!!!) let him shower so you decide to randomly suicide drive up and down groat road, go get friend, go back to mall.
whew
now that at mall, decide to see a movie that doesn't start for a billion years and randomly wander mall eating, window shopping, actually shopping (crazy old navy is open 24/7) and then discover something supposed to have passed a while ago.
I thought it was non-existant. How did I miss this? Did I not move on? I definatly did some things that suggest I had. So what is this? How can this be? Is it even right? Is it even possible? Should I even be questioning it? How can I not?
What does this mean?
Merry Christmukahh!!!
So I am an idiot. And I feel horrible. Not horrible myself where I want to cry, but pain because I feel that I have been selfish when I didn't know the other side of the story. Yet I still feel sympathy for those who are unable to talk about something that really is bothering them. Okay okay, I know that I am being a bit of a hypocrite, but from now on I am not going to hide my emotions, frustrations and other annoying feelings. Because there is no use. You just feel worse if someone you want to tell doesn't know. And if things are in the open, it is much easier for somone else to speak up about themselves if they wish.
I am currently incredibly content with myself. And with the situations surrounding me. Maybe I am not one hundred percent alright, but if I were, how interesting would that be? Honestly, problems shared make friends closer and conversations possible. Ooo, I like that. Its sounds very
sophistical..... haha, yay for stupid Leah moments. But I really can't complain with anything around me. I am done with complaining, it only makes me sound needy and weak. And that is the old Leah, we definatly got rid of her a looooong time ago and I will not be pleased to have her come back.
Many things have happened lately. Many conversations, or lack there of. Many new friendships, and many new information revealed. But whether the info was good or bad (I haven't decided that yet, but I still love you Erin, and thank you) I have accepted my situations and am embracing them with all of me. Yes, I wish that some people would be able to share in my thoughts and maybe even announce some of their own, but I am not going to whine because some people just aren't like I am. I am not going to change, and I don't want anyone to change for me. Everything happens for a reason.
............... and that is my new philosophy.
To end this blog, I want to wish everyone incredibly Happy Holidays. I love you all, and I hope that you all know who you are. There is a such a long list of everyone that I deeply care about. I hope everyone has a good time, whether they are going home, staying in, or coming home (TODAY!!!) I wish you the best christmas/holiday and know that I'm thinking about you all. Love peace and chicken grease!
This is a story of Cole
Cole is a guy
Cole a successful, attractive guy.
Cole makes excellent cookies.
Cole and I have fun making cookies. And eating cookies. And eating cookie dough. And then realizing that "my cookies are too big!!!!!" So we ate them instead.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HA "I LOVE LEAHS BODY, LOVE COLE" says Cole one day (cole actually did type that)
The Story of Cole (as told by His Majesty himself, reiterated by the illusterous [is that even a word?] Duchess Leah)
It started one day, 20 and a half some years ago, when the Hindu gods decided to bless the world with his presence. When he was born the world shuddered at his beauty and could not believe it. for his own safety they took him out of his rich unbringing and put him into a lower middle class home to prevent him from being molested by all of the rich, but somewhat homely princess. Because you can't be rich and beautiful. It just isn't fair.
In this lower middle class home, Cole had a profound unbringing of sweetness, gentlemen-like qualities, while all the while unholding his outrageous handsome-ness. He grew up happy with his two step brothers a step sister two step dogs, and a mouse named Mickey. (p.s. a pony)
Cole decided that this place that he had grown up in (elaborate New Sarepta) was too small for his wide imagination. so he went to travel the world (exclamation exclamation excalmation) and made it all the way to.............. edmonton (dot dot dot)
He discovered while in Edmonton that he had a keen sense of thesbianism!!! (lauhs because it sounds like lesbian teeheehee) So he decided to pursue his talents in the Kingdom of G-Mac!
but was detered when he met Duchess Leah. And decided to give up acting. but then she shut him down.
So, to prove to her that he was no fool (he walked across her swimming pool) HAHAHAHAHAHA... sadly no. Instead, he went to Hollywood and because 2006's sexiest man alive!!! And had lots of good sex.
The End.
(footnote: the dutchess Leah was found to be an imposter and really a lowly kitchen slave. She was stripped of her fake title and never ever had good sex.
I Give Up
TRUST: trust·ed, trust·ing, trusts v. intr.
To have or place reliance; depend.
Trust to destiny.
To be confident; hope.
Either the dictionary is wrong, or I am living in a lie.
Leave me alone. From now on, I choose to be alone. For that hurts far less then being forced to be alone.
Now THAT is romance...
.. too bad it wasn't meant to be romantic. Never-the-less, it was still amazing. (I can't believe that I haven't written about this yet!)
Thank you Secret Santa. That was an absolutly beautiful present. It made my year.
Remembering 70 Ft Cliffs and Rainy Bridges
"Put your head on my shoulder,
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Show me that you love me too.
Put your lips next to mine, dear
Won't you kiss me once, baby
Just a kiss good-night
Maybe you and I will fall in love.
People say that love's a game
A game you just can't win.
If there's a way I'll find it some day
And then this fool will rush in.
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear baby
Words I want to hear tell me
Tell me that you love me too.
Some people say that love's a game
A game you just can't win
If there's a way, I'll find it someday
And then this fool will rush in
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear baby
Words I want to hear, tell me
Put your head on my shoulder."
Not-so-safety driving lesson
YAY for new blog!!! I am soo excited. The Audrey pic just absolutly makes it mine. *sigh*
Talk about a great so-far-weekend. Daneel, you are my love-doll. Pardon me, Troopa!! Good vs Evil. Attempting to sing solfage while giggling with too much cranberry juice and vodka. mmmmm vodka.... Thank you for helping me to create this new and amazingly improved blog. Except that there are still a few glitches (mainly no comments...:( better get on that one Troopa. Love you!)
Today however, ...... doesn't actually need a however because it was equally great. But yes, up nice and early and had a good morning with my baby getting ready for, yay, school!! (no sarcasm here what-so-ever...) And what is there to find at school today? Booo stupid ear training exam, that I really shouldn't have been so worried over. It was a decent sized piece of cake. I am going to go with medium. Maybe slightly smaller. Wow, definatly not relevant. Today had interesting conversations, and another Jekyl/Hyde moment. I haven't decided which is which yet. Towards me at least. But afterwards, mock vocal went awesome. Suddenly breaking down after Chelseas song because of an unexpected "touch". Maybe it was because it was unezpected or because it was the said touch.. n/m. Mine went really well. Well, the atmosphere anyway. I am still not sure how well I sing it, but the mood is just crazy. Changed the focus, and suddenly was flooded with my situation . Little too strong maybe. Again, n/m not interesting.
Had an alright time at mall. I hate the "hi, I'm leah" me. Stupid shy pathetic loser. But I met some real cool people. And koko was FANTASTIC!! So nice to see Linda again too, I am glad that she is still singing.
Long night though, and insanely quick drive home (hadn't peed in about five hours. Attractive, I know...)
Time to wallow in myself. Thinking thinking thinking...
Large candy cane latte please...
Holy shit. Talk about a fuck-over. I have never been so utterly scared in my entire life. All is good now, but that was something that I hope I never experiance ever again. Thank you to all for trying to help me. kisses to all!
Things ended well, and made even better with a delightful shopping time. This happy moment brought to you by my own mr. bitchy. I wouldn't change you for the world. I had a great time hanging out and "shopping". Or lack there of. But all in all, still good. Nothing like cracking hick jokes all night just to run into a banjo band. (okay, so it was a banjo and an accordian, but it still was fucking hilarious). Yay for laughs, blunt cards, and candy cane coffee. It made my day.
BTW, does my secret santa exist????......
jj, hugs and love to all, g'night!
Wallpaper
So is it possible to do anything right? No, didn't think so. I guess nothing that I do can ever work out. Okay, I can deal with that. Well, I'm going to have too at least. Fuck, I am so tired of trying to listen to myself and not being able to.
I'm invisible even to those that I am talking right to. Good to know.
Jekyll and Hyde
Two versions. So different from each other that they are almost unrecognizable as the same person. Yes indeed. Tonight proved just another example. Deeply confused.
The show tonight was awsome, as was the time spent talking afterwards. Sorry for the not-so-pleasant reminder of awful things said. Maybe being drunk is a good thing after all. Tristan, thanks for being the sweetie that you are. You made my drive home very happy. Despite SUPER CRAPPY DRIVING CONDITIONS!!! So yeah, I didn't die almost twice tonight...
That is all I have to say. Jeff, I need you very much. And miss you with all of me.
P.S. Things will be fine, cross my heart.
"So back to me..."
Oh, banjo music, you never cease to please me. Even though I still will attempt to hit all those who like to play it. But how can I deny it, its who I am.
Talk about a GREAT past couple days!!!
Vocal Lab, okay, not soo great, but I still have worked my ass off on that song, and I'm not worried because even though I didn't feel that it went all that well, I know how I can do it, and have done it before. Yay for Review Song!!! And Janet seemed to enjoy it (A-). I really need to discover all of my other marks. Plus on top of this, I received a compliment that absolutely warmed my heart. There are some people who are incredibly talented and you can't help but look up to (lame, I know) but to hear them tell you that they enjoyed your performance, is a compliment like no other. (especially when I wasn't sure if they even cared for me. Don't ask, I don't even know why) BIG SMILE!
Congrats to all P&P cast, I thoroughly enjoyed the show and can't bloody wait until we get to put them on.
To top it off, I later froze my ears off and loved every second of it!
Now for today! BAH!!! I just remembered movement. And I am not saying bah because of the assignment. Even though it incredibly frustrates me every time I try to do it, I thought that the performance of whatever crap I had today went really well. Yes, I was frustrated, and yes, maybe mad, and even more so, I felt trapped within the assignment. But to be able to use those emotions in my piece just gave it so much more "oomph" (haha, that's right, I said oomph) And yes, I was staring right at you Dave. My personal "fuck-you" for putting me in that position. So I guess a thanks may be in order. But nah...
I think that the highlight though was tonight. Laughing so hard, about so many VARIED things. It was awesome. Jason, and Rachel, I love you both so much. Again, freezing my ears (and everything else) off was just spectacular. I am sitting a happy goile right now. Very very happy!!! Lots of love!
Silent Murder
"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering." - Paulo Coelho
I miss you already Daneel, I had such a good night. Thanks to you and Ali for making me laugh. But I wish that I was back at your place. I was happy there.
(The reason that I didn't answer was because I didn't want to say the wrong thing, and not that I just don't have anything to say. I guess I just needed time.)
