Reality Check
So I definately had the best day with some amazing friends of mine on Sat. Got up early and did some chores for mom. Brownie points with family, yay! Then off to apartment because I officially have the keys now!!!!!!!!!!! (more about that later on) then mom stops by. then to rachels. from rachels (jay already there) to jens. then to ikea. lots of shopping at ikea woo woo!! spend money but not to much. got blinds and cups.. I'm exciting. then food mmm. then to evans (someone I don't know) to check out mohawk. then to mall. waaaaaaaaaaaaay to much monies spent but got a few clothes (favorite shopping buddies of life!!) then to dinner for erin and nicoles b-day. lots of fun and laughs. then to Leahs (thats me!!) apartment (!!!) to drop off ikea stuff and show friends the place. ended up talking and laughing and taking pics for a long time. man oh man we are crazy kids but it was such a blast (I promise that I'll send you guys those pics asap) then home (long drive...zzzzz) kidding! I didn't actually sleep drive. But it was such a good night, made me really really happy.
On that note, I have found that being in the city with friends (and at my place) is just making me smile so much. But as soon as I go home it isn't like that. I think that the thought of living on my own (with my Troopa!) is so close to reality that it is taunting me. I want to start now but still have to wait two more months. ack, it is slowly killing me i think. hopes that things stay on a decent level of tension rather then exploding. whew breathe.. only two months and 2 (?) days to go...
I have a dillema. I have this secret. But there is another secret that is coming up now. And I am really feeling torn. Plus I also am afraid that I am setting myslf up for some major dissapointment from both secrets. And that is because I trust believe and imagine to much. Damn my overactive imagination! damn it to hell.
To go along with that, I once again set myself up for dissapointment. But this one I am taking into my own hands. But that just isn't good enough for me. Not anymore.
All in all I am a happy girl. Lovin' the sun. Missin' my wife. Designin' a dream...
Painting her Weekend
Well it is about time for an update. Unfortunatly I only have event and nothing very philisophical or anything to speak my mind about... thats right Jay, I am just not very sophistical today. muah.
On that, Happy Your-Bday-was-a-great-success!!! I had such a blast. and more. and stuff. Though I definately didn't feel so amazing the next day. Sleep never felt so good.
But the next party is going to be just as good. YAY for the luau party ... or the canada day party where I am a loser and wear a grass skirt...and a coconut bra... au natural... but it's all good, because this time I won't be the only super cool person doing it... you know who you are. Everyone better watch out! hahaha
So I finally start to move in this friday. It's earlier but then again I'm not really living there yet. But nevertheless I am super excited. I still need a futon frame though.. and a vaccuum and a microwave. So therefore:
This site is now accepting Donations for the Save-A-Precious-Soul Fund. This time we are attempting to save the precious soul of Leah Wilburn
by donating articles for her new apartment in this time of dire dire need. Please give generously... she needs your help. As a special bonus when you donate we will send you a thank you card and a picture of your precious soul greatly enjoying her free gift...ahem, your life saving donation. Thank you all so much. Remember, when you save a soul, you save yourself as well. That is all for this blog. Tune in next week...and/or another time
I got rhythm, I got music
I don't got my man.. or any man
and that is sad really..
p.s. I miss my Troopa-Wife!!!
Eyes Wide Selfish
Fishbowl Margaritas, Online Chats and Coffee Shops. Random situations that lead to interesting discoveries. Or just selfish wantings. I don't honestly know.
Someone asked me the other day a question that normally would be (and at the time was) really lame. But I couldn't help think about it mainly because I just wanted to say something clever back. But couldn't.
Question: "When was the last time that someone worked to make you feel special?"
I don't even know the person who asked, and normally I would have said "nice line" or something along those lines. But lately I keep thinking about it more and more based on conversations that I have recently had with a few of my valued friends. And really the true answer I think would be "when I first started dating my old boyfriend." Not bad eh?
Except that that was two and a half years ago. So many things have come and gone since then. Both good and bad. But that is still a long time.
I feel like I have been missing out on a lot of things since then, and even earlier with other things. Gill and I plus margaritas equaled some amazing truth the other night. I now know why none of my past relationships have ever worked, and found warning signs that I should have noticed way before I did. Thus comes our newest breakdown of relationships: so many people say that they are forever. But what they should be saying is how can I fight to make sure that there is never a not-forever. My past relationships were either one sided (I always seem to fall first) or no sided and just were together because we had been together for so long that it was the norm. With Gill and Chris, they fight for each other, where as with anyone I have been with, we just fought with each other.
And this goes similarily with some of my very old friends. We grew up together. And not just for a few year. I am talking since Kindergarten for most of us. For years we never left each others sides. But why is it that I can not remember a time when we truly went out of our way to do something amazing for each other. New friends that I have made have opened my eyes to my relationships with these people. Birthdays were often forgotten rather then planned for weeks in advance. So much time has past over the past year that some of us would be embaressed to call another up because we are almost strangers. Yet I hear of surprises and best friends spending an entire day together because they miss each other and yet see them almost every day. I don't remember the last time I talked to some of mine. Best friends forever? True best friends in my mind are those i'd-fight-to-make-forever. Because it doesn't just happen. Time happens and so does distance if you don't work. But thats it. No one worked. And I am guilty of it too.
So when is the last time that someone worked to make me feel special? I don't know.
This really is a selfish blog. But then I am just in a selfish mood. I shouldn't be because I know that I still have so much love around me. And I hope that I never take it for granted. But I can't help look to see if there is a little bit more. I am tired of one sided, and hope to never again become no-sided. Time happens, but I wonder if the happen can come along more often then the time part.
This is the end of the selfish blog. Everyone has one. Not every one voices them. So everyone take a second to be selfish. You would actually be doing me a favor because maybe then I won't feel so guilty. Good night.
Go Charlotte, it is your birthday..
... We are going to party like it is your birthday! (Thank you Jason, that one was a great topper for my week.)
I officially start my new (and second) job tomorrow. I am nervous but I hope that it goes well. It's a little disappointing that despite my efforts, I'm back in an office again. I miss being outdoors. But I guess that if the money is decent, I might as well take it. Beggars can't be choosers.
A great highlight of the week though was actually being able to see my apartment. After Dee and I fill out our app, we can officially get the keys in a couple weeks. I know that it is not the best place in the world, but it's decent and the location is prime. I can't wait to move in and start making it truly our own. First time living on my own, so fingers crossed and face all smiles!!! Official move in date: August 7 ( or later, because I'm only back on the 6th)
So my trying to get in better shape plan doesn't seem to be working. I know that I am being impatient but I can't help it. I just need to keep trying and going hard. But I want results now! Yeah, because that will happen. In your dreams Leah.
"Dance" class was fun today, despite the lack of dancing. Still it is nice to see people that I really like. Rachel its true, we can't be out of each others sight for more than two days without panicking...panicing... That just doesn't look right.
anyway, Cheerio chaps. Have a good until next time I blog. Love and hugs
p.s. I am becoming disturbed by the recent dip in the blogging scene. People disappear for weeks, and others disappear for months. I don't see you everyday anymore!!! I need updates!!!! Plus we could all comment more, it's just nice. Ciao kids!!
Madness
Long drive home tonight. But it was a long time for me to think. And to breathe, it seems like I haven't done that in a while. For some reason remembering to breathe brought tears too. Sometimes you just need to I guess.
Kind of of odd because I don't really have too many reasons to want to. My summer is looking like madness, but at least I am keeping busy. It's keeping my mind elsewhere then places where it wants to roam. The tanning salon is fine; busy but fine. And hopefully this other job doesn't tear me limb from limb. I'd hate to screw it up. And the commercial today was a great time. I can't wait until my entire career is that, and not just random jobs for a couple of bucks. It will happen.
But I still am stressing about work, no matter what. I just can't help it. And I can't stop thinking about getting that apartment in Aug. Plus I have been neglecting my eating habits yet again and have come back to poor Leah style eating; which is pretty much anything that is free, whether it is healthy or not. I need to start the workout routines sometime. Goals cannot be achieved by not even starting them. And I have not even started to work on any material for next year.
Also I feel terrible as a friend. I hate that I lost someone that I cared about so much. Actually what I hate even more is our damned pride. Mine first. I did what I did to stop from getting hurt. But yet I'm still hurting because I can't accept the consequences. I never imagined the hostility that would arise from this, but it doesn't look to ever be remedied. I can't apologize because every time I do, nothing changes and I wind up back at square one. I wish that I wasn't here. Not in Stony, Edmonton, or even Alberta. Because I just don't know what to do here anymore, I feel like I'm driving myself insane.
I am off now, I need to rest my exhausted mind. As soon as I try to relax I wind up thinking too much. Typical Leah.
